My dog is a bitch. I mean it. She can be really nasty and hard to live with. I love her to bits of course. She has all the qualities that we've come to expect from man's best friend, but she has some additional qualities that are simply annoying. With a capital A.
First up, know that she's not young. I can't blame her bitch-qualities on the puppy stage. She's not an adolescent dog, pushing the boundaries whilst finding her way in life. No. Our Lucy is eleven. That's seventy-seven in dog years. I'm thinking she's old enough to know better.
Now before you assume that she might be misbehaving due to her more mature age (as we aging females prefer to put it), please understand that her mischief is not new, either. She has been a naughty, infuriating hound from the very beginning. Eleven years.
We tried to train her well. Oh, how we tried. Puppy school was fun until the day she sidled up to the trainer in the middle of class and dropped a huge steamy mound of stench at the trainer's feet, stating quite clearly what she thought of her techniques. I'm quite sure she would have flipped her the bird if she had fingers on the ends of her paws.
She's always been an attention seeker and is irritatingly fond of human touch (she will lay next to me whilst I'm hanging out washing and put one paw on my foot...aawwww). But since her long time companion passed away recently (and she was a total bitch to him, too, believe me!) she has become even more demanding.
We may be partly to blame for this as our grief caused us to show a renewed interest and affection for her, realising the hard way that our furry friends aren't with us forever. But she just doesn't learn. And with my mother-in-law's dog staying with us at the moment (a tiny white lightweight called Mollie who is used to the good life) she is particularly naughty, showing off for our house guest who does not care for her antics.
So, after eleven years, I am joining the dog-shaming revolution. We've all seen those cute images on Facebook of dogs with notes stating their crimes. I want in. Starting today:
The green fluff is the insides of Mollie's bed. Mollie is not the destruct-a-dog type. She's a lady. Well she was until she had her most of her teeth removed and now spends all day chewing on her own tongue, but that's another story.
To add insult to injury, after destroying Mollie's bed, Lucy promptly squished her enormous arse into it with no shame whatsoever. I repeat. She is a bitch.
I love her to death. But far out this chick can push my buttons.
Does your dog need shaming? Go on, get it off your chest. It feels good.